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Choices You Cannot Make

I follow the blog Ms. Single Mama. She offers up musings on dating, life, love and motherhood. I always find interesting thoughts and conversations here. This weekend I saw a tweet (on of course) where @mssinglemama pointed us to her blog post that asks for thoughts on: The Man I Should Have Married. She is asking her readers to tell their stories about the man we let go…and shouldn’t have.

Being in the mood where I am reviewing my life choices and setting my course for the next direction (yes, I am planning to reenter the magical world of dating again), I read this blog post with interest. It makes me realize that sometimes it isn’t the choices you make, it the choices that you cannot make. You all have heard these stories from your girlfriends, or perhaps personally experienced them.

I was told the story of the single mom that was dating an amazing gentleman. He was the perfect man: kind, handsome, good job, great Dad, tremendous sense of humor…the full meal deal. He was a very sensitive and caring man and had several years of successful sobriety behind him. The intellectual conversations were stimulating, the laughter contagious. Life was good. She fell hard for him. Then something happened. Mood changes were witnessed, there became a sea of distance between them, he started missing days at work, there was no longer evidence of that lovin’ feeling. Come to find out, the medication the man took quickly developed into an addiction. It wasn’t alcohol, as before, but it was not good. Too many pills…too much drama. Our single mom realized that she could not make the choice to stand by and help him fight his demons. She knew that there were her children to consider first and foremost. It was clear that this was a choice that she could not make. No matter how much she loved the man, she couldn’t save him. The cost was too high for her children.

I heard years later that the gentleman called her, out of the blue. He wanted to meet up with her, catch up on old times. Why not, I’m sure she was thinking. Maybe things are okay now, maybe they can rebuild that connection. But…it wasn’t to be. He was talking the talk, strutting his stuff, presenting the rosy picture…but her alarms were going off. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she knew that this was a choice that she could not make.

And then there is the beautiful girl who married her high school sweetheart. It appears that she was starting out life with stars in her eyes, but perhaps not enough life experiences. They were good friends to each other, but not good as life partners. Years into her marriage she meets a guy that just knocks her for a loop. He was gorgeous, smart, funny, professional, athletic, sexy…. There was a mutual attraction that they both felt, and she tells me that it was definitely a STRONG attraction – both physically and mentally. The problem was…yes…she was married….and so was he. This was a choice that they couldn’t make. Years later they ran into each other again. She is no longer married, he still is. The attraction was just as strong, but again, a choice that they could not make.

You have stories too, or you have been the shoulder that your girlfriend cried on as she told you her story. It is stories like these that make me realize just how hard it is to find that “soul mate” that is promised to us all. Do we really have a soul mate out there, or do we just make the best choice we can and hope that the good outweighs the bad?

I will admit to you that it frightens me to launch into the dating world. After building up the insulation around my heart for so many years, I find myself hesitant to pull back the layers. My logical brain tells me to get over myself….and yes…I will get hurt. So what? Isn’t that what makes us unique and helps us find our true path? My emotional brain is still trying to figure out why that would be a good idea. What choices will I have to make? Will I be faced with choices that I cannot make?

Posted in choices, dating, girlfriends.

3 Responses

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  1. Angel says

    ok, in the first place it is three oclock in the morning why aren’t you sleep? Oh, wait its one oclock in on the west coast. The thing is you can’t always play it safe. Life itself is dangerous, you can walk out side and have a brick fall on you hear or a bird with a really good aim, either one puts a damper on your day. I don’t plan on going into anything with expectations, just to date what happens happens. I am not a teen anymore I should have sense and definely no stars.
    Life is about choices. Sometimes the relationships you have for a minute are enough for a lifetime, and sometimes the lifetime ones well, you know.

  2. The Daily Blonde says

    I have comments to make here but I need to really think…this is something we could rattle on about for so long. Choice, choices….do we really even have them? Are they that great? Or is single what I’m destined to be?

  3. Ms. Single Mama says

    What a beautiful post – and as you may know, I can completely relate.


    Keep asking yourself these questions as you venture back out there. It won’t be easy, and yes, you may get hurt.

    But we have to take risks to find the kind of love we deserve.

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